


Two Penises (18+)

by Tuttlisa



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Comedy, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, Randomness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-03-25 04:55:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13826913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuttlisa/pseuds/Tuttlisa
Summary: Life is hell.It doesn’t always go the way you think, but is that such a bad thing?Sometimes, for sure. But when Tuttlisa Kaulitz starts working abroad for a studio she recognizes, she isn’t ready for her past works to be brought into light - a buttload of erotica, and not that vanilla stuff either.The team takes her in expecting just any other new face, but Tuttlisa ends up bringing in so much more than just NSFW art and literature. She brings the team together - perhaps just a tad too close.(Author’s note - This is balls to the wall adult crazy whatever the heck I feel like. Don’t expect each chapter to be the same as the previous. It’s a hot mess and I hope you have as much fun as I am with it!)





	1. Chapter 1

\- "It’s like I always think… Enjoy life and… Uhm… Shut up? Yeah that sounds like a zinger.“

Tuttlisa Kaulitz, 1999

-

Those are the words of a fool.

A young fool. A mere scribble with an eraser in this vast world of a poetic letter. A big, fat, bold envelope stuffed with all the unpredictable twists and turns one can take.

This life I used to live before coming here… Wasn’t great.

The letter I metaphorically shoehorned in above is currently California. And me? I’m just the ordinary literary garbage disposal most commonly known as “erotica writer/occasional artist”. That lasted for a while, but really at this point I desperately need a job that actually pays cash, and not 10k likes on the twittertwat & whatnot.

I had been sending out applications to just about everywhere. Cake factories, retirement homes, cleaner - name it and I have my application burned in their fireplace somewhere. Out of all the ones I sent, very few ended up in places I recognized.

One being the very place I am now standing in front of.

With the Uber driving away behind me this sunny and pleasantly warm morning, I stand in awe in front of the location where my new workspace is.

What feels even weirder is how fast they replied and interviewed me over Skype. That went pretty fine but was a lot more dull than expected, knowing exactly who the man interviewing me was. But, as I realise I stand in front of a door wasting time on pondering over the past, I decide to actually open it and step inside.

Why do I immediately smell ***** when I walk in?

-

The second my foot touches the floor of the house, a box heavy as bricks is thrown at my face. Obviously I couldn’t deflect that shit so I fall face down to the floor, somehow without a broken neck.

Looking at the box on the floor, it was overflowing with papers. I had no time to read what was on them before a pair of shaking fists grabbed my collar and thrusted me their direction.

The fists belonged to Arin.

…Wait, what the hell? Arin? Arin Hanson? The guy who has been on Game Grumps since forever, the man who interviewed me just the other day, THE Arin goddamn fucking Hanson?

“OH MY GOD I’M SO SORRY BUT YOU NEED TO RUN!! FUCK- IT-IT’S TOO MUCH TO EXPLAIN-”

…Well shit now I HAVE to know what’s going on.

I only had a brief moment to take in my surroundings. Just behind Arin were all the lamps destroyed, a desk was on fire, hundreds of red party cups scattered all over, some dude ran in to a wall screaming - and I was stuck in the arms of a man who clearly has lost his sanity.

How did I not notice anything from outside?

“Hoookay Arin, hey man slow down-”

“WE HAVE TO GET THE OTHERS, SHIT WILL CRASH ANY MINUTE AND I DIDN’T EVEN HAVE TIME TO GET MY-”

He stopped dead in a look of shock and horror. I dropped down head first to the floor again as he started to rise up and pull his hair in all directions.

“SUZY?? SUZY PLEASE, WHERE ARE YOU?!”

He was yelling so hard my ears almost started to bleed, but even after all these burts of random abuse Ifelt fine enough to get back on my two feet.

Just behind him came Suz- holy crap she looks good even covered in smoke and ashes- Suzy running, holding some very old looking scrolls in her arms. She saw me and waved her hand to instruct me to back off before Arin smack me away any more.

Just as he was throwing his arm back, his eyes met hers and immediately he looked at least 1/8th less freaked out.

“Oh my god thank fuck you are alive, it’s already started and I have no idea how to deal with this-”

“Arin, please listen! This isn’t what you think!”

She throws down the scrolls to the dirty floor.

“You got it all in the wrong order, we have to-”

“NO! Look at all the shit that happened in the office! WHAT THE FUCK PUT ALL THIS FIRE IN HERE? WHO PUT THAT FUCKING HORSE ON THE YARD? WHY IS THE SKY OUTSIDE THE WINDOWS ALL RED? HOW DID BRENT CHEW TWO PACKS OF GUM AT THE SAME TIME? WHY DID ROSS TURN INTO AN ANIME FIGURINE? WHY DOES ALL THE FOOD TASTE LIKE SANDPAPER? HOW DO I LIFE? WHY ARE THERE DRAGONS IN THE BASEMENT NOW? WHY IS THE GRASS FRESHLY CUT? HOW DO I LIVE IN THIS CHAOS WHEN NOTHING MAKES ANY GODDAMN SENSE! PLEASE TELL ME, ENLIGHTEN ME! JUST GIVE ME S O M E T H I N G ! !!!!!”

“…Arin.”

“WHAT??”

“You’re way too early.”

He gave her a confused look. “Wha-”

“That’s not for this chapter.”

“…”

Arin looked utterly defeated.

We stood there in silence for a while.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After about 1 minute, he turned towards me.

“Well welcome to the Grumps office I guess, come follow me so we can sign the doc-”

//CHAPTER END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author’s note: omg thanks for reading, this first chapter is a bit odd cus i was kinda drunk when I wrote it but trust me the hot spicy sauce is coming next chapter!!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have a trashy tumblr, check it out at "theshrineoftuttlisa"

So

I have been at the Grumps office for about 2 days now, getting into the work and a better feel of what goes on here.

I still don’t know how the text programs work, but hey, the bar is always stuffed with La Crocs or whatever it’s called so at least I’ll never dehydrate.

Part of me is scared to tell the team that they most definitely got the wrong impression of me. Why? Because just now did I remember how bad I screwed up the interview with Arin. Not that it went bad, he was weird but not negative or questioned my work and such.

The problem is I sent my old, abandoned sfw portfolio - a relic that hasn’t been touched in about seven years.

What I have currently been making is a lot more… Bad. I mean not BAD, but heavily nsfw and to any vanilla fucks this would be my one-way ticket to a therapist.

I just write and draw what I think is fun, it is all just lighthearted passtime for me, but for some reason people take it all so damn seriously - good or bad. Either you love and adore or absolutely loathe my work.

So yes, I am a bit worried that they find out about my private hobbies. They aren’t part of what got me hired, so if I’m not careful this could become a shitshow.

I shrug and lean back from my desk. I had a tour around the place but I never really leave my designated spot. The bar is the closest to me, so I stashed my snacks there for now.

So far I haven’t met the full team yet. Arin was the first and he showed me around and helped me to my desk and got the computer running. Suzy was to my surprise very glad to have me here and has a cute habit of checking over me at my desk occasionally when she works over at hers. She’s the one I talk to the most so far and I am glad. She is a sweetheart.

Ross has his own room but is for the first time sitting just in front of me. I think it’s being renovated or something.

Brian has been face first on his computer to 24/7 tweet shitposts to their Twitter, so I haven’t bothered him too much. I think.

Some of the team has been away on some business trip, so not everyone is around.

The only one I haven’t actually talked to who should be here is Danny. I have no idea where he is, but it would be nice to at least greet him whenever he pops by.

But… I feel like I am forgetting someone.

Oh yeah, I did!

I turn over to Ross who looks like he’s sniffing his monitor because he’s so close to it. Yet as my eyes look over him, he seems to notice me and looks over.

“Is something up?”

“Yeah, so I just- I haven’t seen ***** anywhere, is he away?”

Ross went silent.

“who the fuck is *****WAIT shit Barry doesn’t work there anymore I have to change the cha” “hey Tuttlisa I need your eyes for this, can you come over for a sec?”

Oh sure! I said and took a gander at what he was working on.

Wait.

These are just pictures of cute boys!

“Ross what’s your angle on this one” I say as I pressed my finger just a bit too hard at his left monitor. “I assume you are researching something, but you have an office stuffed with hot dudes, so why look that stuff up?”

“WELL” He said as he stretched his arms up very dramatically. “I was looking around for someone specific. I thought it was hard to find them at first, because the reference left in our folders didn’t leave me with much to go on.”

I raise an eyebrow as I look at him. “Oookay, so what did they have? And why are you looking up their stuff on Bing of all places”

“Too many questions. The point is, I started to find some weird stuff. Like, here for example-” He clicks up a website I know all too well.

…No.

Why??

How did he find my fetish blog?!

“I immediately recognized the artist portrait in the FAQ, but maaan was I a bit shocked when I saw the content you post. Also, what’s with the name of the website? Your art looks a lot more solid than that portfolio you sent to Arin. He’s an idiot for not checking just how old those posts were-”

Without a second thought I suddenly had grabbed his shoulders and shoved him against the wall to the left. His smug grin remained, even though he was clearly uncomfortable.

I won’t let him tell the others!

“Look, you little dipshit, I know you are snoopy as all hell but this needs to be kept secret! I don’t want to get fired just because I draw ponyplay and write Resident Evil 2 ripoff pornos from time to time!”

He coughed - or possibly laughed? “Wow, you do that too? Impressive.”

I tighten my grip on his shoulders as I feel myself growing desperate. “I don’t want to hurt you for this, but I really don’t know what to do to make you shut up. I don’t- I just- I wanna stay. Please.”

“Well, there is an easy solution to this, Tuttlisa.”

“…There is?”

“Yeah.”

Before I know it, he has pushed me back with his legs so I land on a chair right behind me. He wastes no time and walks up, way too close, and holds both his hands on the arm rests. With a mischievous, sadistic and almost an aroused look, he looks into my eyes.

“If you want me to shut my mouth… You owe me a favor. Something juicy, that stays just between the two of us.”

I thought at a moment like this, I’d be terrified, but I don’t feel that at all.

I feel disappointed.

“Really, Ross? You want me to sit on your face to make you stop talking? Wow. How mature. So original. Did you get this idea from one of my novels?”

“Maybe.”

He looks serious. I don’t buy it.

“Well, I’d prefer lunch honestly.”

And just like that, his eyes light up and he moves away. “Oh yes, please I am starving!”

I throw a Hamilton at him. “Go buy your own food.”

“Oh, hey, you’re the one that draws porn, right?”

I hear a familiar voice behind me. Not because I’ve heard the voice in real life, but from the very videos that are filmed in this office that I must have watched for hundreds of hours.

I turn around and see Danny himself. In the flesh. He looks like he almost rushed in the door.

Wait, what did he just say?

“Y-you know?”

“Ross spilled the beans to me two days ago. I’ve been away for work stuff, so I’m sorry for the late introduction. You’re Tuttlisa, right?”

He extends his arm as to shake my hand. I don’t move but instead feel like part of me has died inside.

I turn back around to see Ross looking at any other direction than towards me. He just stuffed the ten dollar bill in his pocket and then met my eyes.

“Oh yeah, I already told everyone. I think.”

“GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONEY BACK YOU ASS”

-

After I crucified Ross on the wall again and got my money back, I went to the lunchroom to get some grub and space. Suzy joined me and we talked about a bit of all things, but I think she noticed how worried I looked so she kept the talking most of it.

After I finished my salad she wanted to ask some about me. I didn’t mind.

“So Tuttlisa, what hobbies do you have?”

“Huh, what are those? You can do other stuff at the office? Hah, good one!”

“I mean outside of work, silly. Do you have any stuff you enjoy doing on your free time?”

I take a long, slow gulp of my drink. The truth is too embarrassing so I can’t share it.

Sure, Ross probably told her but I want to believe he only told Dan.

That asshole.

“no”

“I doubt that. Come on, give me something!”

“well, I did write some porn but I bet Ross already spoiled that. Oops, awkward am I right?”

She looks as relaxed and happy as before.

Why isn’t she grossed out yet?

“I heard. I haven’t read it yet, but I think it’s interesting you do that.” She leans back and looks away as if to ponder. “Like… I wouldn’t say I read erotica, but you seem to have made a name of yourself online for it, and I genuinely respect that. I would love to see some of your recent stuff at some point if you wouldn’t mind showing me?”

“…You don’t think I’m weird?”

“Sweetie, everyone here is a little loopy. No, scratch that, very much so. You aren’t topping any lists here, and even if you did it’s not to any level where you would be forced out.”

She scoots closer to me and gently places her arm over my shoulder and leans against it. “You worry too much. It’s sweet, but please stop. I assure you you’re doing great.”

She is too nice. I lean my head against her. “Thanks, Suzy. I needed that.”

I sat back up straight and looked at her. “But, uh, just how weird do things get here would you say?”

She gives me a mysterious and partially apologetic look.

“You just have to expect the unexpected. You’ll loosen up once you get to know the others better, I promise.”

Then out of nowhere she snaps up straight and does a dramatic motion with her arms.

“I know! Let’s throw a party here for you! Once you’ve been here for a week, we’ll celebrate and just have fun here!”

Oh. Well, that sounds nice, but…

“Isn’t it better to do parties on a weekend? It’s only Tuesday-”

“Then let’s settle on Saturday! Ok? Ok! I’ll go tell the others, see you later!”

And just like that, she was gone.

A party, huh…

I don’t know if I should be terrified or exhilarated.

//CHAPTER END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooo baby there is a plot this time, but I’ll still throw things around the chapters that follow. Have fun!!


End file.
